He really was the best at mind-teasing...

GEORGE CARLINISMS

• How come wrong numbers are never busy?
• Do people in Australia call the rest of the world "up over"?
• Does that screwdriver belong to Philip?
• Can a stupid person be a smart-ass?
• Does killing time damage eternity?
• Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
• Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?
• Why is it that night falls but day breaks?
• Why is the third hand on the watch called a second hand?
• Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
• Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
• Are part-time bandleaders semi-conductors?
• Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?
• Daylight savings time - why are they saving it and where do they keep it?
• Did Noah keep his bees in archives?
• Do jellyfish get gas from eating jellybeans?
• Do pilots take crash-courses?
• Do stars clean themselves with meteor showers?
• Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?
• Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
• Have you ever seen a toad on a toadstool?
• How can there be self-help "groups"?
• How do you get off a non-stop flight?
• How do you write zero in Roman numerals?
• How many weeks are there in a light year?
• If a jogger runs at the speed of sound, can he still hear his Walkman?
• If athletes get athlete's foot, do astronauts get mistletoe?
• If Barbie's so popular, why do you have to buy all her friends?
• If blind people wear dark glasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs?
• If cats and dogs didn't have fur would we still pet them?
• If peanut butter cookies are made from peanut butter, then what are Girl Scout cookies made out of?
• If space is a vacuum, who changes the bags?
• If swimming is good for your shape, then why do the whales look the way they do?
• If tin whistles are made out of tin, what do they make fog horns out of?
• If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?
• If you can't drink and drive, why do bars have parking lots?
• If you jog backwards, will you gain weight?
• If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
• Why do the signs that say "Slow Children" have a picture of a running child?
• Why do they call it "chili" if it's hot?
• Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game, when we are already there?
• Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?