Some of these are oldies, but still goodies....hope they make you smile...I personally liked Dorothy Parker's answer best....

Two cannibals were sitting down and were in the middle of feasting on a couple of clowns when one cannibal stopped eating and said to the other.. "Did that taste a bit funny to you?"
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One day a man comes home from work to find total mayhem at home. The kids were outside still in their pajamas playing in the mud and muck. There were empty food boxes and wrappers all around. As he proceeded into the house, he found an even bigger mess. Dishes on the counter, dog food spilled on the floor. The family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing, and a lamp had been knocked over.
He headed up the stairs, stepping over toys, to look for his wife. He was becoming worried that she may be ill, or that something had happened to her.

He found her in the bedroom, still in bed with her pajamas on, reading a book.
She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went.

He looked at her bewildered and asked, "What happened here today?"
 She answered, "You know everyday when you come home from work and ask me what I did today?"
 "Yes,"
"Well, today I didn't do it!"
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A traveling salesman knocked on a farmer's door late one night and requested a place to sleep for the night.
"We're a little tight on space," said the farmer, "so I'm going to have to put you in with my three sons."
"Oh, pardon me," said the salesman, "I must be in the wrong joke."
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A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, 'Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!'
The husband said, 'Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?'

'Doesn't matter,' she said. 'Just be gone by the time I get back.
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When a man goes on a date he wonders if he is going to get lucky.

A woman already knows. ---Frederick Ryder
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A man approached a beautiful young woman in a supermarket and asked, "I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"
"Why?" she asks.
"Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife appears out of nowhere."
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I went to a bookstore and asked the woman behind the counter where the self-help section was.

She said, "If I told you, it would defeat the whole purpose."
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"Whoever called it necking was a poor judge of anatomy."
-Groucho Marx
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It is reported that Dorothy Parker was once asked to use the word horticulture in a sentence.
She promptly said, "You can lead a horticulture, but you cannot make her think."
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One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very Sexy nightie.

'Tie me up,' she purred, 'and you can do anything you want.'

So he tied her up and went golfing.

Hope you enjoyed......and had a chuckle or two....